Hi, there and welcome to my blog!
I am on a mission of helping mommy-wives serve God and family with grace, compassion, patience, and love.
10 Fun Things About Me (and continue reading)
- I love to read “real” books. I rarely read e-books.
- Classic movies, 1940s. Love!
- I am an introvert at core.
- I can be bossy.
- I’m hilarious at times.
- I love pink, but I’m not obsessed.
- I like running for exercise.
- I love to eat good food.
- I prefer a cozy cabin with snow outside versus a tropical setting.
- My husband is the only person who really gets me, and I LOVE him for that.
In 2012, I became a first-time mommy to my son, Roman. I read a ton of parenting books and blogs, I was organized (always), and the systems and plans were in place. I had it all together, or at least I thought I did. My version of perfectionism failed me. The baby cried, my hair did not stay on point, I arrived to work late, I was tired ALL THE TIME, and the list goes on. What was going on with me? The Carendylyn I knew was organized, on top of things, and stayed the course.
Fast forward to now, I realize that back then I relied too much on myself to do “all the things,” and I failed to rely on Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit for my strength to deal with the day to day things. I lacked grace, compassion, patience, and love in my relationship with God, my husband, and my new family. The idea of perfectionism, or my version of it, was weighing me down, and I knew I could not be the only mommy struggling to deal with it all.
So, the concept of Conversations with Mommies began with just one meetup with other mommies to gather on an informal basis without children and offer Christ-like encouragement. Well, life continued to happen with moving into our first home, career changes, and more babies, and things just fell off. When I gave birth to my daughter, Noa in 2014, I found motivation to start a blog during my maternity leave. I had momentum; I wrote blog posts consistently for about a good month, and again, things just fell off. What was wrong with me?
The realization that I cannot and must not put too much on myself finally hit me after the birth of my second daughter Zoë in July 2017. I had never experienced postpartum anxiety until I had Zoë.
On Wednesday, November 1, 2017, I had an all-out panic attack of heavy breathing, chest tightening, and a bucket of tears. I remember this day vividly. It was during the World Series (go ‘Stros, they won that night), and it was my turn to take Roman to school, which only took about 10 minutes round trip, a very quick trip; but for whatever reason, it was a struggle to get out of the door. I had a mental checklist running rapidly in my mind: fully stocked diaper bag (check); are me and the girls dressed properly in case we encounter a life crisis that would keep us out all day (check); and finally, Roman’s signed report card, which was due back Friday. I could not find it. I was in a desperate search to find his report card. I know I have until Friday, but the earlier back the better. WHERE WAS IT?! I hit a brick wall. I tensed up. My breathing became labored followed by weeping. I knew then that perfectionism embraced me and not with open arms, and quietly, out of the sight of my children, I regained my composure.
I sought professional help after this panic attack and have experienced great progress by exercising coping skills in addition to growing spiritually by “amping” up my reading and implementation of God’s Word in my everyday life.
Please know that we all go through something. My desire is that you not go through it alone. Join me in promoting conversations and a culture that cultivates grace, compassion, patience, and love.